SAILING FOR DUMMIES!
by The Jagans
Summary: Agreeing to set sail on the vast blue ocean, Yusuke, Kurama, Botan and Hiei must face the perils bestowed upon them while stuck together on a less than suitable vessel. After travelling for days, can they seek land before they lose all their given sanity?
1. Expect the Unexpected

A/N: Well, with immense concentration and...err, willpower, we have decided to come up with a new storyline that follows Snowbound. So, it takes place on a ship...Botan, Hiei, Kurama, and of course Yusuke, are travelling together to... dun dun dun... can't say yet! But the real question is...why did they all agree to set sail in the first place? Mysteries and secret lay in wait in this new fanfiction. Please do read and review! And, on with the tale of woe!

_Sailing for Dummies_

**Kurama POV: **

Day…Whatever… I lost count. Yusuke, Botan, Hiei and I have been on this vessel for who knows how long. Why you ask? Well, after the whole ordeal with Makai, Yusuke had told everyone that he SOMEHOW got the money to treat everyone to a "cruise" of sorts. He probably resorted to a Youko state of mind to get it done but I won't press charges against him. I'm too lazy to do it anyway.

"And another one bites the DUST!" One of the less sane members screamed. Hiei. I winced. I knew that he had snapped. We HAD been deprived of meaningless slaughter…my best friend's FAVORITE pastime. "Get back here in my CLUTCHES!" I noticed that Hiei was trying to catch dinner for us yet again. The rest of us always suckered him into it because it was obvious that he needed at least SOME stimulation aboard this rather horrid excuse for a "ship." Well…Hiei never usually minds catching dinner if it means killing something.

Usually…Hiei gets rather hyper during this interesting spectacle. Then as soon as he gets it, his face is enveloped into the habitual morose expression that he wears on a daily basis. Now that is the Hiei that we know for sure. "Hn…baka…" He muttered as I exchanged a rueful glance with my fire demon friend.

I also noticed something. Yusuke was peering through an empty glass bottle. Alcohol I presume. He had downed at least four bottles and was obviously on the verge of becoming intoxicated sometime soon. That of course would be an iota worse than Hiei's sudden and random bursts of being hyper. "AHOY MATES!" He screamed in a grating voice all of a sudden. I plugged up my ears. I am doomed for sure.

**Botan POV: **

Thank Kami-sama that I got my own room. Power to being female!!!!! Ahem. Anyway. Not the point. What IS the point, you might ask?

"With Gilligan! The Skipper tooooo! The miiiiiiillionaaaaaiiire and his wiiiiiife! The movie STAR, the Professor aaaaand Mary Anne, HERE ON GILLIGAN'S IIIIIIIISLE!!!!!!"

...That, my friend, is the point.Yes, Yusuke is off-the-wall wasted and there is not a thing I can do about it except stay locked in my room. And yes, I am technically speaking to myself. But oh well. Insanity is relative, just like everything else.

Ah, I see you have noticed my lack of...um...bubblyness. That would be because I GET MOTION SICKNESS!!!!! Ironic, isn't it, considering I'm always flying around on an oar. But that's a SMOOTH ride. This...this is not smooth. This is wavy and rocky and unstable and...ug, I'm gonna be sick...

I buried my head in the pillow. So...seasick...need...land... Bleh.

"Vie va la BACON!!!!"

I raised my head up momentarily.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, YUSUKE-BAKA!!!!!!'"

There wasa period ofsilence, during whichI smashed my head back into the pillow and tried to hold my lunch down. Then the chaos began again.

"NO! You'll NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!!" Yusuke.

"Quick, grab him before he gets away!" Kurama.

"Hn. Make me." Hiei.

"No, Yusuke, don't go that way--" The ship gave a particularly violent buck and I raced into the bathroom.

SPLOOSH

"...MAN OVERBOARD!!!!" cried Kurama reluctantly. For a moment I thought the someone was Yusuke, until I realized that I could hear him laughing insanely at the poor unfortunate in the water.

If I weren't feeling so completely crappy I'd almost feel sorry for Hiei.

**Yusuke POV: **

He looks like lassie! Swim doggy swim before the ol' prospector shoots you! Come on! I've got dog treats! Surprisingly enough, I do and I toss one overboard. It hits Hiei on the head.

"You're going to FUCKING pay!" He yells.

"I don't have any money," I shout back. I throw another dog treat at him. It lands in his mouth because he's busy screaming his ugly head off at me! Yay! Y'know, maybe we should be a team of performance circus people thingies… Yeah, that would really be cool and then I could drop school and make money and then Kurama can play the girl! "Hey Kurama! After we save lassie, ya wanna get to the uncharted island, skip the three hour tour, and play circus performers!?"

He gives me a really mean look for some reason. I just smile happily. "Yusuke, of all the crazy schemes…"

"WHAT!? WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO THE BAKA!?" Hiei! Yay! He's ALIVE!

Kurama smacked himself in the head and hoisted a rope out from his hair. I guess he forgot that Hiei was drowning! THAT'S FREAKIN' HILARIOUS!

Once Kurama gets Hiei back on board, he pulls out his katana. "I hope you're ready for the word: filet…" He seethed.

I shrug. "I'm not on iron chef, am I?"

**Hiei POV: **

I cannot express in words the anger that I feel right now. It CANNOT be expressed. All I really know right now is that I am extremely happy that Yusuke is now qualified as a hanyou rather than a ningen. For he is about to die. A slow, painful death to be sure.

...Or he would have, except that Kurama tied me up with his DAMNED WHIP and threw me in a closet while simultaneously knocking the soon-to-be deceased nutcase unconscious and dragging him away. He claimed this was for our own good. He will pay as well.

Once I get these knots undone, that is. And it doesn't look too good. DAMNIT!!!! I WILL get out! If I must bite these thorns and thus cause myself to bleed in about a thousand different ways, there will be nothing that can stop me from—

Oh wait. I'm a fire demon. ...Hn. I knew that.

I burned through the ropes, cursing the intelligence drop that this trip has inflicted on me, and finally got free.

There. Ha. Take that, Kurama.

I yanked open the door and high-tailed it in the direction of some very distinct youki. I busted into the room and--

"DON'T WAKE HIM UP!!!!" the kitsune whispered loudly, eyes widening in panic.

I folded my arms and leaned against the doorframe. Like I was going to. It's a lot easier to bring about someone's demise when they're unconscious.

"Hn. WHAT are you doing to him?" I asked, pointing the vast amount of plants surrounding both the youko and the hanyou.

Kurama sweatdropped. "Well...I know I have SOMETHING in here that cures intoxication, but I just couldn't remember which one... I'm so used to just using the fighting plants and all, you know? There's a lot of different species to remember!"

I rolled my eyes. "I think you're just getting forgetful in your old age," I mocked.

Emerald eyes narrowed. "Watch it, Hiei."

"Duly noted," I replied sarcastically, leaving the room. Oh well. They'll just have to die later. I can wait.

**Yusuke POV: **

ZZZ…

**Kurama POV: **

Now which one was it…? I know that it was around here somewhere… You see, I may be a whiz when I am Minamino Shuuichi but Youko Kurama has some kinks that he needs to work out. Like WHICH plant is WHICH and which ones can HEAL and which ones can KILL y'know… "I just may end up killing Yusuke," I note forlornly.

Hiei just gives me one of his looks. "Hn, fine with me. I told you that the Tantei would pay, didn't I? It looks like I am always right."

Well he was right SOME of the time. That was all I could give him. Now YOUKO…huh, well. I wouldn't trust him. Well, that and the fact that since he's usually sounds out for blood, his plants would prove to be more harmful than helpful. Yeah, that's key.

I hold up one in particular and ask for Hiei's approval. He shrugs me off and so I, (proceeding with caution) mix it into a solute while keeping a close eye on Yusuke. He seems to be sleeping off his drunken state but I wouldn't put it past him if he were to be drunk for…oh say, 12 hours. THAT was how much he drank. And he didn't hold his alcohol well either, I might add. Nevertheless, I am quite sure that my medicine will cure him…though there IS a sudden doubt growing in my mind. Oh well, here goes nothing…

**Botan POV: **

Sleep is good. Sleep is lovely. Sleep is the best thing for a person with motion sickness. So being shocked out of it is Hell on Earth, let me tell you.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Hmm. One...no, two voices. One decidedly male...way too deep to be female. Hiei. The other, almost female, but not quite. Kurama. Wonder what THEIR problem is...

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM, KURAMA?!!!!!"

"I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW!!!!! KAMI-SAMA, I HAVE THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTEEN SEEDS WITH ME RIGHT NOW ALONE, DO YOU THINK I CAN REMEMBER THEM ALL?!!!!!!!"

"WELL JUST FIX IT THEN!!!!!!"

"I CAN'T, YOU FOOL!!!!! DID YOU NOT HEAR ME JUST SAY THAT I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT THIS DOES?!!! IF I CAN'T REMEMBER THE INFLICTION HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO REMEMBER THE ANTIDOTE?!!!!!"

"JUST FIND AN EFFING WAY, KITSUNE!!!!!!!!!!"

"I'M TRYING, FORBIDDEN BRAT!!!!!"

Silence.

"...That was low, Kurama..."

"Yes, I apologize..."

"Yeah...but that's still disturbing..."

"So what do you want me to do about it?"

"Fix it."

"I'm trying."

"Try faster."

"I can't."

I rolled my eyes to myself. I was not about to get up to find out what they were talking about. No WAY. No HOW. I was NOT moving with this ailment.

"Hmm, do you think Botan will know anything about this?"

"Hn. Doubt it. I'll get her anyway."

I'm going to kill them soon.

**Hiei POV: **

Wait, why would I want the Tantei to be saved anyway? He was the one who threw those god awful dog 'treats' in my mouth when I was overboard! Not to mention that he has a very bad habit of being horribly annoying! There, that makes me feel better at least. But still, if Yusuke doesn't survive, I'll bet the ferry girl'll pin his death on me and then I'll have to spend some more time in this god forsaken place that I'd like to burn to the ground with my Kokuryuuha (if possible anyway). But let's just call it Reikai for those of you who take this PG-13 rating seriously. Hn. Ningens…

"What happened Hiei?" Botan screeched…in my ear… ow.

"Ittai nani ga, onna? Do you HAVE to yell!?" I 'screech' back just as loud.

"Well excuse me! I was just rudely awakened from my beauty nap thing! And here you go, acting like you're superior--"

"That's because I am."

"ARE NOT!"

"Are too."

"ARE NOT!"

"ARE TOO, ONNA!"

"ARE--" Botan stopped once she caught sight of what Kurama did to Yusuke and I burst out laughing. Her expression is quite priceless. And well you know, I love it when ningens (or death) freak out as if the end of the world is nigh. Hn. Not a problem with me anyway. It would be a hell of a lot more exciting to endanger Earth actually. Err, not the point…right. Hn. Yusuke-baka always takes the fun out of my sadistic mind…

**Kurama POV:**

I could tell what Hiei was thinking the moment he and Botan entered the room, and I had to agree with him: Botan's expression WAS priceless. But then again...we DID accidentally make Yusuke bright green... Oh well...good thing most of the effects of my plants only last a few hours at most. Er, except the fatal ones, of course. And the Tree of Hallucinations. And any involving brain damage.But that aside...

"Um. Botan? I apologize for interrupting your...rest..." Botan looked very ready to kill me.

"You...wouldn't happen to know anything how to fix this, would you?"

The normally chipper ferry girl just kind of blinked blankly. Poor Botan. I think she has motion sickness. If only I had known...I have the perfect plant...funny, you'd think she'd be fine, considering she's always riding that oar of hers.

"Nope. No clue. Now please excuse me while I barf up an organ or something..." That said, she spun around on her heel and made a break for the bathroom.

Hiei just rolled his eyes. "She's _useless_," he sneered, slinking off as well to do...something... Sometimes not even _I_ know what's going on in that youkai's head.

Well. Now it's just me and unconscious, green Yusuke. Might as well keep trying things--after all, there's a good chance that this could do something harmful to him, and if the boy's going to rule a third of Makai we can't have him wandering around with half a brain... Hmm, well, since it's Yusuke it would be more like a QUARTER of a brain...

I randomly fish a few seeds from my hair and stare at them. Let's see. Well, that one's a rose, and that one's the death plant, this is some blood-sucking thing (I have a lot of those), this is good as a smoke screen--hey, what's this one?

I turn the seed over curiously. It was a dark shade of brown, and oddly square. Funny, I have no memory of this one--perhaps I'm more human and less Youko than I thought. I set it on the ground and force a bit of ki into it, forcing it to grow. And grow it did...into this ugly, fat little thing with a bulbous bud, spiky green-brown leaves, and a wrinkled looking stem. Um. Wow. Better not judge a book by its cover, though: take ME, for example. I prod the plant experimentally with a finger.

...Okay. Bad idea. My face is now covered with VERY foul-smelling orange sap. At least it doesn't seem to be doing anything...all right, file this thing over just plain annoying. I coax it back into its seed form and stuff it back in my hair.

Hmm, come to think of it, I AM feeling a little bit lightheaded...

_Forty-Five Seconds Later..._

WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO MANY BRIGHT COLORS!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMANYSOMANYSOMANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE DO THEY ALL COME FROM?!!!! HEY LOOK, THERE'S A GUY WALKING DOWN THE HALLWAY! WOW HIS HAIR IS POINTY!!!!

"WOW DUDE YOUR HAIR IS REALLY POINTY!!!!!!"

Who said that? Wait a minute... I DID! WOW! HEY! HE'S ANSWERING BACK! BUT I DON'T CARE WHAT HE SAYS CAUSE IT'S NOT IMPORTANT! YAY! LOOK! HE HAS A SHINY WEAPON!!!!! I WANT IT!!!!!

YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW WE'RE PLAYING TAG!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SOOOOO MUCH FUN!!! C'MON POINTY HAIREDGUY CAN'T YOU CATCH ME?!!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOOKIE!!!!!! SHINY WEAPON GO FLY! FLY THROUGH AIR!!!! PLOOOOOOOOSH!!!! BYE BYE SHINY I'M SORRY I DROPPED YOU!!!! LOOK NOW POINTY HAIRED GUY IS GOING FOR A SWIM! SWIM POINTY HAIRED GUY, SWIM! HEY NOW HE'S PRETENDING HE'S DROWNING!!!! THAT GUY IS REALLY FUNNY!!! WOOHOO!!!!!

* * *

A/N: Yes, sadly we had to make Kurama drunk because...well, something on this boat was SURE to backfire... and backfire it did. Hope you enjoyed this first chapter! Feedback, as always, is appreciated! Ciao, minna! 

The Jagans


	2. A Wedding?

Sorry for such an ungodly wait... >

* * *

**Yusuke POV: **

Snort Err, where am I? Hmm, something's rocking back and forth… huh, what luck… it seems like I'm on a boat or something. So I open my eyes and sit up. And well, the silence lasts for about oh, say, two and a half seconds. I'm feeling generous so I exaggerated that time just now. Yippidee freakin' doo dah for me. So yeah, I start screaming like a lunatic 'cause well, y'know…

I DON'T KNOW HOW THE $&$!)! I GOT ON THIS BOAT!

…Or at least I don't remember…

Well anyways, freaky things like this have always happened to me at least once a week so I figure I may as well walk around a bit, catch the sights. "Yo, anyone on here?" I call out, standing up and looking overboard. Nothing but sea. Hmm… sea… and… waitaminnit… what the…. HELL?

"HIEI?"

Yeah, ladies and germs. Told ya. I'm a freak magnet… "TANTEI! WHAT IN ALL THE HELLS ARE YOU DOING! GET HELP!" Hiei sputters.

"First answer a couple questions! I'm sure you can hold on for at least five minutes right!"

Blub, gurgle.

"Err… HIEI! HOLD ON!"

He suddenly manages to resurface. "MAYBE YOU NEED HELP! LOOK AT YOURSELF!"

What the hell? Hiei doesn't have to diss my natural good looks or anything! What the hell is his problem? I swear, if he were a girl I'd think he'd be PMSing right now! But since he's not, I'll just assume that he's just jealous! I mean, who the hell could resist this dude! Haha! Look at me! I'm just about perfect! And!

…

I've got green skin…

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME, YOU IDIOT? YOU! OR KURAMA! WHERE THE FUCK IS KURAMA! I SWEAR HE WON'T LEAVE THIS BOAT UNSCATHED! DO YOU HEAR ME YOU GODFORSAKEN DROWNING RAT!" I yell at Hiei, shaking and waving fists in the air. Man, I'm ALMOST tempted to use my Rei Gun on him! "Y'know what? Screw you! I'm not helping you now that I look like the freaking hulk! This is what I like to call payback! It's a real bitch!"

"WHERE'S THE DOG? SOMEONE SAID BITCH! TEE HEE HEE!" Kurama suddenly came out of nowhere… and yes I mean nowhere… "YOU-SUCK-EE! HEY! WHOA I SAID IT! NOW I KNOW WHY HIEI WAS CALLING YOU THAT PRETTY NAME BEFORE! AND WOW! YOU'RE AS GREEN AS CHLORPHORYLIELLL! TEE HEE HEE! WOW THAT WAS FUN! HEY, YOU-SUCK-EE, WANNA PLAY TAG?" …wow…

Our sanest person has gone off the deep end! And THAT'S supposed to be MY job! God, this is SO not our finest hour… A little help would REALLY be appreciated…

**Botan POV: **

I'm capable of murder. No, really. I AM. JUST because I'm Death doesn't mean I can't actually be the cause of their...passing on. Sure, you may THINK I've never done it before--wait a minute, that's true, I haven't. Oh well. First time for everything. BWAHAHAHAHAHA--uh, right.

I stalk out of the bathroom, hands clenched into fists. I should be safe now...I think I'm done vomiting the contents of my stomach, anyway. Okay, the first person I come across is SO GOING TO PAY. The FIRST person--

"I SEE SPARKLES EVERYWHERE!" Kurama screams, running past me and straight into the wall. He stumbles back a few steps, blinking disorientedly at the wall. "Hello, Mister Wall," he says, holding a hand out to it. "Will you be my neighbor?"He then 'shakes hands' with the wall and wanders away.

O...kay...maybe not the FIRST person... Well, whoever's next is SO GOING TO GET IT. Really. SERIOUSLY. No mercy whatsoever. The SECOND person--

"KURAMA! DAMMIT, KURAMA, GET BACK HERE! C'mon, man, I'm the guy with the problems! What happened to your sanity? What happened to your BRAIN? AT LEAST TELL ME HOW TO UNGREENIFY MYSELF, MAN! C'mon, MY BOYISH GOOD LOOKS WILL SUFFER!" Yusuke ran by. Still green. Still completely out of his mind.

Well. There's still Hiei. Where IS he, anyway? Is he--oh, wait. Hmm. He's drowning. I SHOULD leave him there. I REALLY should. Am I that cruel? Oh, I guess not...

I chuck a lifesaver in the general direction of his head and haul him up...somehow...actually, I'm not sure how...after all, I was weak at the moment and he's rather heavy for such a little guy. He keels over on the deck and lies there for a moment, coughing up water.

"You look...exactly like a waterlogged rat," I inform him in a deadpan.

He stares up at me, wringing out his clothes. "SOMEONE seems in an uncharacteristically bad mood." He closes his eyes momentarily. "You...aren't PARTICULARLY attached to Reikai, are you?"

"Right now, I'm not particularly attached to anything. Including my lunch...which I would LIKE TO BE."

"Hn."

There was a few moments of silence. Then...

"Hey, when you torch Reikai, could you at least save my beanie baby collection for me? I'm rather fond of it..."

**Hiei POV: **

"Will do," I mutter, a resounding 'hn' following suit. I believe that it is the least I could do for the ferry girl. After all, she didn't happen to be the one to chuck me OR my katana overboard... Well then I'd consider Yusuke and my ever-wasted kitsune in crime... DEAD MEN. And so I involuntarily wrap a hand around my katana hilt and walk down the hallway, scouting out either Kurama or Yusuke. Kami-sama... I'd save time if I found both of them together.

...Hmm, what luck... they seem to be near the stern of the boat...

"BACK AWAY, SPIDER MAN!" Kurama cries, holding out a plushie and spastically shaking it at the Tantei. "I HAVE SOFT GOODS AND I KNOW HOW TO USE THEM! NOW DON'T YELL AT ME! LET'S PLAY TAG INSTEAD! AND--" Oh, no... He looked my way... "POINTY HAIRED GUY! HOW'D YOU COME BACK FROM THE DEAD! I WAS SURE THAT I DROPPED YOUR PRETTY SHINY TOY! IN THE WAA WA!" ...It was a sad, sad day that Kurama was behaving like this. Someone who I had respected for his power... well, any ningen with a short attention span can see that he's... not with us. Baka plants. I ought to take them from him one day... but right now, that's not my greatest concern.

"Kitsune, I don't care if you are off the wall, revenge will be mine!"

"REVENGE! TEE HEE!"

Yusuke's eyes flickered down to half-mast. "Kurama, my god, you're even worse offthan I am..." I believe that the Tantei had momentarily forgotten about having green skin.

**Kurama POV: **

THE BRIGHT COLORS ARE GETTING BRIGHTER! I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I DON'T CARE EITHER! HAHAHAHAHAHA! YAAAAAY! I THINK THE YOU-SUCK-EE AND POINTY HAIRED GUY ARE GOING TO PLAY WITH ME NOW! HURRAH! MAYBE THEY'LL PLAY DOLLIES WITH MEEEEE!

NO IT'S EVEN BETTER! WE'RE PLAYING TAG AGAIN! I'M SOOOO HAPPY! TAG IS SO MUCH FUN! OH LOOK, THERE'S A GUY IN A BLUE WIG!

"HI GUY IN BLUE WIG!"

YAAAAAY! NOW GUY IN BLUE WIG IS PLAYING TOOOOO! THE YOU-SUCK-EE AND POINTY HAIRED GUY ARE HAVING SO MUCH FUN THEY'RE LAUGHING! THIS IS GREAT! LALALALALA! MR. WALL IS EVEN PLAYING! HE'S RUNNING EVEN FASTER THAN MEEEEEE! I'M SO GLAD HE'S MY NEIGHBOR NOW! AND NOW MS. FLOOR SAYS SHE'S GOING TO WORK AT STARBUCKS AND MARRY MR. WALL! I WANNA GO TO THE WEDDING!

WHEEEEEE! THIS REMINDS ME OF A REALLY FUNNY JOKE! I REMEMBER HOW IT GOES TOO!

"A FOX WALKED INTO A BAR AND…"

Ten Minutes Later…

Ugh…what just happened? I feel like someone just dropped an anvil on my head. Hey…wait a minute... Where am I, anyway? What am I doing here? Where did I just come from? Why was I knocked out?

...Who am I?

I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE WHO I AM!

"Holy FUCK, I have amnesia!" I scream, bolting up and immediately regretting it, as it both gives me vertigo and sends my head smashing into some random person who was apparently invading my personal space. White lights dance in front of my eyes...surely a bad sign, considering I HAVEN'T EVEN OPENED THEM YET... The aforementioned random person falls back with a thump (or at least that's what it sounded like) and curses in more languages and variety than I've ever heard before in my life. Keeping in mind, that is, that I only currently remember about thirty seconds of my life.

...Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is a bad thing.

**Yusuke POV: **

"Yo, Kurama…what are you doing all sober?" I'm pretty sure he was going to go to some wedding ten minutes ago… and if he was, more importantly, why the hell wasn't I invited? Er...yeah, not the point right now.

"Yo, slick, I've never met you before in my life!" Kurama screams.

Hmm…one too many designer drugs, maybe? Naw, can't be it. And what the fuck is SLICK! "Um, Kurama, haha… funny…not really. Stop kidding around."

"Why are YOU telling ME to kid around? You've got green skin, my friend! What the hell am I doing here! Oh I get what's going on… I'm on one of those candid camera shows, aren't I? Huh, huh? Well, HI MOM! WHOEVER YOU ARE! HI RANDOM FANS--"

Hiei walks in…

"AND HELLOOOOO FLAME BOY!"

Aw HELL no. Kurama did not JUST steal Youko's awesome dis. Hiei's eye twitched ever sooo slightly. I'm sure he hated Youko…though I don't know why…well, I'm sure he's going to pounce on Kurama now or something. Heh. snort Flame boy…

"Has your intelligence dropped 50 points, fox? Or are you just resorting to an idiot's state of mind?"

"Um…yeah, hello to you too. Um… cow…"

What the fuck was that, Kurama? You really did get dumber in the past 10 minutes. Cow? What the—oh… heh. Fox…cow…animals. Hmm… that still really sucked…My god! We're doomed! Unbelievably and undeniably doomed! Our smartest guy is now a lame stand-up actor! I really knew someone up there hated me… "So are you gonna tell us what the hell happened to you? Surely you don't expect me to believe you forgot about your precious wasted moment…"

"Or my blue wig!" Botan chided from out of nowhere. Kurama's eyes widened.

"Holy crap! Artificial hair dye!" …and then he squeaked. Squeaked. Pretty uncharacteristic of a fox to do. "Can someone PLEASE explain to me why I'm here?" He 'squeaked' again. Y'know, now would be a good time as any to pull a Hiei and jump overboard…

**Botan POV:**

Holy crap. He. Did NOT. Just say that. Did he? Hmm...yes, actually he did. I'm sorry Kurama, but amnesia or no, insanity or no, I'm going to hurt you now.

...ARTIFICIAL HAIR DYE! Geez, the guy in a wig was bad enough, but at least then he was completely out of it! GET IT THROUGH YOUR BIG THICK HEADS, MORONS! MY! HAIR! IS! COMPLETELY NATURAL!

I felt compelled to say this out loud. So I did. And now, I think I've finally earned some respect.

"Yeah, Botan, suuuuuure it is."

...Or not. Die, Yusuke. Die a slow, painful, HORRIBLE death.

Hmm... MaybeI shouldjust chain him to a drunk Hiei for a few months. I'd love to see him keep his sanity under THAT situation.

Wait. Yusuke's already insane. Well, scratch THAT plan. Anyways, how do you unamnesia a person?

Fortunately, Hiei decided to take care that himself, and promptly knocked Kurama over the head with his sword, shocking the hell out of me and Yusuke.

"What the hell!" yelped Yusuke. "I thought you guys were friends or something! Not only does he have amnesia, but you could have given him a percussion!"

"Concussion, Yusuke, CONcussion," I hiss through gritted teeth, still angry about the hair dye comment.

Hiei just gives an indifferent shrug. "I've heard a second knock on the head can cure amnesia."

We both stared at him. ...What? Hiei? SENSIBLE? WHO IS THIS GUY AND WHAT HAS HE DONE WITH OUR PSYCHOPATH!

"...Plus, I needed to pay him back for throwing my katana into the ocean. Damn it, it's starting to rust already!"

Ah. THAT sounds more like Hiei. Good. I thought we'd lost a second guy for a moment there. Not that a normal Hiei is much more stable than a crazy one. If anything, he's less.

WHAT unholy forces got me ON to this stupid ship in the first place!

**Hiei POV: **

I'm REALLY getting tempted to strangle someone…I really am. And no, I'm not just threatening this time, either. My best friend…doesn't remember a thing. Botan is going insane…wait, she's BEEN insane. And Yusuke…is Yusuke. No doubt about that. How does that make me feel, you ask? Well, a little uncomfortable. …Scratch that, that's an understatement. But it still sucks. I blame the toddler for everything.

I really wouldn't have noticed it, (since I was so preoccupied in talking to you people) but the ship gave a particularly violent buck and the next thing I knew, I was lying head first in some disgusting vat of…fish. I could tell, seeing how a little scrap of something got shoved up my nose. Life really sucks…

Wait, what happened to everyone else?

Well, I heard Botan start wailing and Yusuke was just swearing uncontrollably. I assume at this point, it was involuntary, seeing how our adventures must have really taken its toll on the poor delinquent. And what about Kurama? Hn…I'm sure he's lying under the mast pole or something. ANYTHING to make his amnesia go away.

"SHIT! LAND! FUCKING LAND!" Yusuke starts screaming like a blundering fool.

LAND!

"It's really land! No more throwing up! No more…EVERYTHING that happened on this pathetic excuse for a boat!" Botan added. I nodded and soon enough, the three of us had leapt off the vessel.

"Waaaaaait, for meeeeeeeeeee!" Kurama exclaimed. "I feel like I got hit by a truck! Or Youmi or something! Anyway! Did you say we're on land? YEEEEEEEESSS--"

"Yo, Yusuke! It's been a while!" came a voice I knew I hated. It was a voice so sinister…so grating, so…disgusting. It was him, I knew it! Curse it all!

"WOOOO! NOW IT'S A PARTY! WHAT'S UP YOUKO? AND HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE ANYWAY?"

"Err…. surfboard mishap.. I've been here for the past ten minutes, praying to Buddha that someone I knew would show up… and lo and behold, HERE you are! It's like…some unearthly wish has come true! This is great! Now we can relive the mall moments! I can't wait! And look at what I have!"

Holy…crap… not THAT…

* * *

A/N: Aaaaah! Cliffhangers are such wonderful things, ne? And again, the Youko used over and over again is Tasekano Youko (an original character...). Not to be confused with te infamous Youko Kurama 


	3. A Meeting of the Mindless

A/N: (has no excuse to why we haven't updated... but that's in the past so enjoy it now...)

* * *

**GENERAL POV (FINALLY!)**

"Holy FRICK!" Yusuke screamed ecstatically. "I can't believe it's waterproof!"

Youko beamed and held up the video camera. "Oddly enough, that was the brand name!"

Hiei and Botan both moaned simultaneously and clutched their heads. "No…ANYTHING but this…ANYTHING!"

"Torture…" muttered Hiei.

"Bad hair days!" wailed Botan.

"JUST NOT THIS!"

Kurama curled up in a fetal position and rocked back and forth. "The pain…oh, the pain….make it stop…I swear I'll never drink again…" He paused. "Wait. I haven't been drinking. What the hell happened?"

Yusuke leaned over. "Freaky-ass plant, really big pole, Hiei's sword, and a hell of a shipwreck. Any other questions?"

The fox glowered at him. "Get. Us. Out of here."

Yusuke stared at him. "HOW! The communicator's busted. Geez, I can't believe it's NOT waterproof! And I hope you don't really think I can afford a cell phone…"

Youko held up an equally waterlogged cell phone, and Hiei just sulked. Yusuke snapped his fingers. "Yo, Botan! Oar me, baby!"

The ferry girl turned to him with big, wobbly eyes. Tears began to spill down her face. "It…it…" A muffled sob. It was then that the boys noticed the shattered shards of wood she cradled in her arms. Finally, Botan burst into tears. "NOOOOOOOOOO! It was my favorite OOOOOAAAARRRR! WHYYYYY! I'm trapped on a deserted island with a psychotic midget, a partially deranged kitsune, a half-demon idiot, and a teenage moron! Could this GET ANY WORSE!"

Youko thought for a moment. "Well, it could be rai--"

Yusuke lunged at the brunette and covered his mouth. "DON'T SAY IT! Whenever someone says that in a movie, it always, ALWAYS starts raining! Geez! Don't you know that by now?"

Any answer Youko could have given was interrupted by Kurama's sudden, slightly demented scream. It wasn't even a scream...it was a shriek. And quite a loud one, at that.

"FLARE GUN!"

The other four stared at the youko as though he had gone completely insane. Which, like all the others, he had. Kurama chose that moment to continue his explanation, grabbing Yusuke's shoulders and shaking him back and forth with zeal.

"Yusuke! You have your Spirit Gun, remember? USE IT TO GET SOMEONE'S ATTENTION!"

Hiei and Botan's eyes widened in understanding. Youko gave a low whistle. "Genius as always, my dear namesake."

Yusuke grinned. "Yeah, man! FINALLY a time when we won't be trapped in some godforsaken place so much longer than we have to be!" He pointed his index finger in the sky and called his patented battle cry.

"SPIRIT GUN!"

POW!

All five of them winced at the sound of the reiki powered blast hitting...something. Something big. And metal. And, currently, whistling, spiraling downwards, and heading in the direction of their humble island.

It crashed with a loud boom approximately thirty seconds later. A lone figure stumbled out, choking on the smoke that flowed freely from the craft.

Yusuke coughed. "Uh...oops?"

"I can hardly stand this anymore…first it was this stupid idea of Mokuba! 'Go take a vacation' he says! 'Go get rid of that stress' he says! Well, fat chance any stress is relieved at this point… I mean look at me! What a joke!" The 'lone figure' hissed violently to himself, as he really was SURE he was all alone. "I mean, sure… going on my private jet to this seemingly private island did sound like a good idea, but someTHING managed to screw me ov--"

"Yoooo! Sorry about that, mac!" Yusuke shrieked apologetically, waving his arms frantically in the air as to catch the attention of the unknown muttering to himself. Yusuke was sure it couldn't be anything good.

"Oh no, hear that? It's BLACK MAGIC chantation!" Youko wailed theatrically, referring to the man's long-winded speech.

Kurama rolled his eyes. He obviously had enough IQ points to go around, as he realized the person among them was merely cursing their luck. Hardly chanting a thing, to say the least. "Excuse me, sir? Can we help you somehow?"

The man stopped in mid rant. "There are people on this _private_ island?"

"Err…we'd really rather not be here right now if it means the same to you," Yusuke noted dully.

"Never mind what I just said. How did you get here? And more importantly, did any of you see what happened to my priceless, expensive, beautiful, shiny, more-valuable-than-any-of-your-lives, and treasured jet of mine?"

Yusuke found that as a good cue to smother his smoking index finger and hide it from sight. "Heh, wellll that's not important now is it?"

"The idiot crashed it," Hiei said bluntly, pointing to the now sheepish looking Yusuke.

"I hope you have a decent enough lawyer. You're going down, screwball!" the man cried.

Botan blinked. He surely looked familiar. He had brown hair similar to Youko's but its shade was much darker and was accompanied by cold blue eyes. "No need to get upset! We're all here and safe now! And that's what matters!" Botan announced cheerfully, completely disregarding that the mystery man's sleeve had caught on fire.

The man in question, whom YuGiOh fans have by now long recognized to be none other than an obsessive, revenge driven CEO by the name of Seto Kaiba (and if you haven't, SHAME ON YOU!), only continued to scowl at them, before noticing the growing flame on his jacket and abruptly tearing it off and stamping it out, screaming bloody murder.

Our more familiar sociopaths simply stared, nonplussed, at the scene. WHY they weren't used to such antics by now is far beyond my merely mortal comprehension.

A beeping noise coming from the general direction of the demolished ship caught the attention of all, and Kaiba swore under his breath. "And they said it was able to withstand extreme impact...ha!" The vaguely psychotic gamer cast a quick look around at his surroundings, before his eyes landed on Youko's abandoned (and long, LONG forgotten) surfboard. He whipped something out of his pocket, ran passed the still blankly staring five-some, and grabbed the surfboard. He then proceeded to wade into the water, attach the mystery device to the board, and speed off into the ocean blue, laughing madly. "SEE YOU LATER, SUCKERS!" Upon his return, Mokuba promptly sent him to counseling in lieu of what would have been his vacation time.

Then again, that's another story. Let's return to OURS, shall we?

Kurama stared out into the ocean, watching the rapidly vanishing (and continuously cackling) dot that was Seto Kaiba. "Well, that was...interesting..."

Youko gave a small sob. "I still had some payments to make on that thing, man!"

The kitsune gave him an odd look. "But...it's a SURFBOARD...it's not as though it costs all that much..."

Youko sniffled. "It was a TV order."

Meanwhile, Yusuke, Hiei, and Botan had gone on to investigate the mysterious beeping noise coming from the wreckage. Yusuke, being Yusuke, was already among the still-smoking machine, and promptly found the problem.

"Heeeeey, this thing is glowing all funny!" he shouted from somewhere unknown.

"What thing!" squealed Botan in excitement. This was by far the most interesting thing to happen on the trip so far, and so she wanted to pay close attention. As for Hiei...well, he was just kind of there. Avoiding Youko.

"I dunno, this...thing. It looks like a giant mirror almost, but it's glowing. Freaky, man."

"Is there anything else there?" the bubbly ferry girl called anxiously.

A pause.

"Dude, I found this button on the side of the mirror-thing!"

"Does the button say anything!" Botan inquired, hopping from foot to foot.

"Yeah, Do Not Push!"

There was another pause.

"...You pushed it, didn't you, Tantei?" Hiei asked in monotone.

"Erm, yeah, I kind of did..." Yusuke admitted guiltily from inside the wrecked ship.

Thirty seconds after the hanyou dared utter that statement, an explosion erupted inside the ship, and a lone and somewhat charred body was tossed up into the air before landing a few feet away. That body was then followed by another. And another. And another. By the time the commotion had died down, there was a disgruntled pileup of nine people. Hiei stared. Botan stared. Kurama and Youko stopped their conversation and stared as well.

Finally, a single boy managed to extract himself from the mess. His obsidian eyes flashed briefly crimson as he glared at a blond near the bottom of the pile.

"Damn it Naruto, that's the last time we give you the compass!"

"Well, it's not MY fault that you guys were stupid enough to give it to me in the first place. I mean it's bad enough I don't know my whole way around Konoha but nooooo..."

The ebony haired boy rolled his eyes in distaste

Naruto pointed to said team genius in frustration. "Sasuke was like 'Here usuratonkachi, hold this compass.' It's not my fault you guys just went up and--"

"Yo! What the hell is goin' on?" Yusuke interjected passionately.

"Yeah! Only one random character is allowed to come here! And that's ME!" Youko jabbed himself in the chest as if to prove some sort of point. But we all know no one would even listen anyway.

The hot-headed Uchiha glared at Youko and his fingers twiched, ever ready to reach for a kunai and slit his--

"Sooo... it looks like we have yet another meeting of the minds," quipped Botan as she looked around absently for her long lost bottle of aspirin. Both groups stared at each other for about three seconds before Kurama raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Pardon me for even bringing this up...but how the HELL did you manage to get here...?"

There was a moment of profound silence as theerstwhile eight stared blankly at one another.

"...Never give Naruto a compass," Sasuke repeated finally.

Hiei shot Yusuke a piercing stare. "Tantei...wasn't this all YOUR fault?"

Youko and Kurama both looked over at him suspiciously. Yusuke laughed nervously. "Eh heh... Well, how was I supposed to know it would do something like that?"

Botan exploded. "Oh, gee, Yusuke, I don't know. If a button clearly says, 'Do Not Push,' guess what? YOU DON'T PUSH IT! Now we're stuck on a tiny island with pretty much no food and eight extra mouths to feed!"

"..." said a trenchcoat-wearing boy with sunglasses and a redhead with what looked suspiciously like heavy eyeshadow.

A pink-haired girl pointed accusingly at Yusuke. "YOU! What did you do to us! How did we get here?" She grabbed him violently by the front of his shirt. "TELL ME NOW!"

The tantei coughed. "Uh...well..."

"It doesn't really matter," interrupted a moody-looking boy with long hair. He narrowed his pure white eyes in the hanyou's direction. "That is...as long as you can fix it."

"He can't," Hiei stated flatly. "He lacks the brain capacity."

Both Sasuke and the white-eyed boy started toward Yusuke threateningly. He held up his hands. "Hey, hold on a minute! You must have been doing something to trigger that thing! Who are you people, anyway!"

"Ninja. Duh." Naruto rolled his eyes as though the answer was obvious.

"Ninja? SWEET!" screamed Yusuke and Youko in unison.

"I'm the part-demon heir to one third of Makai!" Yusuke added enthusiastically.

"And I'm a completely normal high school student who keeps ending up stuck with freaks!" shouted Youko.

"I'm KONOHA'S AZURE BEAST, a GENIUS OF HARD WORK!"a boy with large eyebrows chimed in, breaking his confused silence for the first time as he got caught up in the enthusiasm.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and I'M GONNA BECOME HOKAGE!" screeched Naruto.

Youko and Yusuke both looked at him blankly. "What's a Hokage?"

All eight ninja stood their with their jaws about ready to drop open.Naruto waved his arms passionately."What's a HOKAGE? What are you, a dumbass?"

"Actually," Yusuke mused.

"It seems to be that each of our different groups are from different worlds somehow..." Kurama explained thoughtfully, "though I don't know how to fully make sense of it all, really. This meeting doesn't add up. Well, what I mean to say is that even quantum physics may not even be enough to explain--"

"Shut up, kitsune," hissed Hiei.

"Yeah! You're supposed to only be the whiz at ONE science only.." Youko screamed.

"That's...not what I meant," the fire demon said monotonously.

"...stick to biology...I got dibs on physics--"

"What the hell is physics?" Asked the blond genin curiously.

"What are you, a dumbass?" Youko retorted.

Sasuke balled up a fist in frustration. Obviously he was used to hanging around only ONE idiot a day. And so he was painfully aware of the fact that being around more than just a handful of freaks would surely lead to his own demise... or possibly an unleashing of his Katon Gokakyu no Jutsu... heheh.. "Okay we're getting nowhere..."

"And you really needed a genius to figure that out, didn't you?" The tantei shrieked.

"Shut up, usuratonkachi..."

"What did I do?" Naruto yelled.

"Not you, HIM..." Sasuke pointed at Yusuke who looked to have a vacant expression on his face. As usual, he thought nothing of empty threats and so he merely shrugged it off.

"Anyway, what I was saying is that we're not going to get anywhere with pointless bickering... We should all split up and cover all the ground on this island before nightfall. That way, we'll have a better understanding of what we might be up against and what resources are here for the taking." Sasuke concluded his 'brilliant' statement with a resounding 'hm' and as if on cue, Sakura fainted.

"Sasuke-temee! Look what you did to Sakura-chan!"

"...not my fault," he muttered as he put his hand on his hip.

Yusuke blinked.

"Dude... whaaa?" Youko gasped.

"I know!" Yusuke hollered.

"Can it be!"

"No doubt!"

Both boys (who had finished their conversation of idiocy) spun around to glare at Sasuke. There was a disturbing moment of silence in which they all stared back at each other. They looked down at the way Sasuke's arm was resting on his hip.

"...You're gay, aren't you!" Yusuke said suddenly, as if the long lost lightbulb inside his mind finally began to function.

Sasuke's eyes widened."WHAT?"

* * *

A/N: We are not purposely bashing Sasuke... okay maybe we are... (glomps Sasuke) Well, we ARE insane you know, which is why you are probably reading this...if you're insane as well... okay well, thanks a lot, g'bye and review! 


	4. Dysfunctional Groups

A/N: OMFGWTFBBQCOPTER IT'S AN UPDATE! Enjoy!

* * *

Naruto collapsed on the ground, laughing his head off. "Ha HA! Sounds like they've got YOU pinned, Sasuke-teme!" 

The self-appointed avenger beared his teeth in an almost animalistic snarl. "Would you care to repeat that?" he whispered, fury lacing through his voice. The Sharingan switched on, the twin wheels of fiery death spinning slowly in the Uchiha's eyes.

Yusuke and Youko looked at each other and coughed nervously.

"Well...no," Youko confessed weakly.

Yusuke looked at him with wide eyes. "Kami-sama...he's like Hiei, only...taller..." The aforementioned fire demon glanced in his direction.

"Hn... Whatever, forget the gay business--in case you hadn't noticed, WE ARE TRAPPED ON A GODFORSAKEN ISLAND."

"Hiei has a valid point," Kurama intoned serenely, having already been at the butt of many a gay joke himself for his...magenta hair...and therefore unaffected by the unfolding scene before him--Sasuke, upon realizing that Naruto was still laughing at him, was slowly performing the hand seals for Chidori.

"The twelve of us are going to have to find some way to get out of this predicament--"

"Thirteen," interrupted the white-eyed boy. He indicated a mousy girl with short hair who was off cowering in a corner...how was there a corner on the island? The world may never know. "And anyway, we really have no idea who you people are...other than the pair of idiots over there." He nodded toward Youko and Yusuke, who were watching a certain livid Uchiha launch himself at a certain cackling blond with a screech and a sparking right hand.

"I'm Hiei," intoned the half-koorime in a monotone.

"And I'm Kurama," added the kitsune.

"Neji," replied the white-haired boy. He jabbed a finger in the direction of the boy with large eyebrows, who was engaged in an enthusiastic conversation with--of all people--Botan. "...That's Lee. I wouldn't recommend talking to him. You've been warned."

"I'll take that warning," Hiei acknowledged flatly. He glanced suspiciously at the silent duo. "And those two?"

"The redhead is Gaara. The guy with the trench coat is an Aburame, but I can't be bothered to remember his name..."

"Shino," muttered a low voice, startling the three. The aforementioned Aburame glared at them creepily, his dark sunglasses flashing in the light.

Following that slightly odd interruption, a timid voice spoke up. "A-Ano, shouldn't we move Sakura-san?" The short-haired girl had walked up to them, tapping her index fingers together nervously. Both youkai realized that she, too, had white eyes. A sudden, dramatic scream following her comment startled them all-- save for Sasuke and Naruto, who were still...whatever.

"SAKURA-SAN! FEAR NOT, FOR I SHALL PROTECT YOU IN THE NAME OF YOUTH!" shrieked the boy so recently dubbed Lee. And he promptly grabbed the unconscious pink-haired girl and took off at a super-sonic run.

All the remaining eleven souls stared absently as the green clad, bowl cut prodigy skipped away with the unconscious pink haired lass. "Dontcha think we should do something?" Yusuke whistled as he continued to stare at the cackling form running further and further from them.

No one dared to say anything, as they were most probably used to it at that point anyway. "We should focus on groups," Shino said monotonously, using his forefinger to slightly adjust where his glasses sat on the bridge of his nose. Few were surprised that Shino actually contributed to something quite useful, as the boy seldom said anything that was other than the response of, "..."

"I call being with the Yusuk-man!" Youko screamed, as he raised a fist of victory into the air. The two boys high fived triumphantly while everyone stared blankly, yet again...

"There's no way I'm going to be stuck with Sasuke-temee!" Naruto shrieked proudly. "Now if there were any RAMEN on this island, I'd be partners with that! And then eat it!" The blond genin giggled, obviously amused.

"O-Okay well, I umm, I'll go with uh-uhh Neji nii-san," Hinata bemoaned, seemingly hurt by the fact that her dear Naruto-kun favored ramen over her...again.

"Botan and I will cover more ground if we are paired together," Kurama stated, "that is of course--"

"WAITAMINNIT!" Lee cried ferociously, as he swung in as if on cue. "I demand a rematch...err, repairing! Since I was not here, it is obviously not fair to me that I, the beautiful green beast of Konoha, have been jipped!"

"Kill me. NOW." Sasuke seethed.

Hiei glared at his katana for a few moments and actually considered it.

Botan, being vaguely paranoid, noticed the Jaganshi's contemplation, and coughed nervously.

"Uh...maybe we should be in groups of three instead!" she blurted out. "I mean, after all, the island can't be THAT huge, and, uh...there's strength in numbers...?" She promptly grabbed Hiei and dragged him over to where she and Kurama were standing. There. That should guarantee SOME degree of sanity--who KNOWS what he would have done to the weird, other-worldly people anyway?

"YOSHI!" screamed a certain taijutsu master zealously. He whipped around and pointed at...Neji. "Neji! As your rival and teammate, I DEMAND that you allow me on your team!" And a second later he appeared beside his teammate.

Slowly, ever so slowly...Neji's eye twitched. This was a nightmare. It HAD to be. There was NO WAY he could be trapped on an island with all these idiots, and, out of all of them, stuck with ye green-clad psychopath, and his accursed MAIN HOUSE cousin. Someone was going to pay. Oh yes. VERY DEARLY.

In the meantime, the other three stoic ninja had somehow managed to interact enough to establish that they would, in fact, be going as a group. Sasuke let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. What a relief. ANYONE would be better than the blond- haired dobe. This left Naruto. Okay, it also left Yusuke and Youko in a group of two. Can you guess where this leads?

"Uh...I guess we take the blond ramen man..." Youko said blankly. "Wow, this is like picking teams at recess or something...whatever." Kami-sama help us all.

Amongst the occasional chirping of one or two random birds inside the labyrinth of the island, Lee screamed in victory while Neji looked in the other direction. Surely the Branch Hyuuga had been all too accustomed to Lee's...unorthodox mannerisms. Hinata on the other hand, felt compelled to scream out of horror while Lee raised a fist into the air and happily trudged alongside his new teammates, bowl cut bobbing in the wind.

"I suppose...we should scout out for any signs of shelter. That is our first priority..." Neji stated suavely. The boy slowly let his eyelids close until he reached optimal concentration. "Byakugan!"

Hinata looked around aimlessly and decided to lend...err, SOME sort of helping hand. "Byakugan!" she immitated in a much less intimidating sort of way. The two Hyuugas scouted out the area, Lee observing patiently.

It had been about five minutes of scrutinizing before Lee's wide smile began to fade. Even he had begun to grow tired of smiling for no reason. "Neji, I've been meaning to tell you something," he announced in an almost triumphant tone.

Both Hyuugas relaxed for a moment and directed their attention to Lee. "What is it this time..." Neji asked, obviously irritated by the fact that there was bound to be stupidity coming his way in at least .5 seconds.

"I found something..."

"What!" Neji demanded.

"Yeah...over there," Lee pointed absently. It had been a mass of twigs and leaves, which seem to have been knocked over. "You mean you missed it?"

"..." Neji hung his head low for a moment while Lee proceeded to whoop and holler.

"GAI-SENSEI WOULD BE PROUD! OHHHHHWAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"M-make it stop!" bemoaned Hinata as she timidly covered her ears.

"For once, I agree..." Neji said as he acknowledged his cousin's statement of woe.

The moment Lee ceased in his ear-shattering bellowing, the troupe began (stupidly) following the trail of the mysterious...something or other.

"Ah, do you really think we should be l-looking for it?"trembled Hinata, nervously tapping together her pointer fingers once more.

"Yes!" shouted Lee with determination, clenching his fist as imaginary waves crashed up dramatically behind him. "I must face any challenge, INCLUDING the unknown, HEAD ON! And I must defeat all who would stand in my way, to prove that I am truly a genius of hard work. FOR THAT IS MY NINDO!"

"Or," added Neji dourly, "we could just find it, catch it, kill it, and eat it for dinner."

"D-dinner would be nice," the Main House Hyuuga admitted, clutching her stomach as it gave a low growl. None of the ninja had eaten since they'd set out on their pointless, over manned, and likely never to be completed mission.

A snapping twig made all of themswivel around, both Neji and Lee falling into their respective fighting stances while Hinata whipped out several kunai from her pouch. The silence that followed was stifling, but suddenly...

"VENOSAUR!" roared the squat, four-legged creature loping in their general direction. It barreled passed the trio, knocking down a score of other trees in its wake as petals floated gently in its wake, having fallen from the bizarre flower situated on the thing's back. All three shinobi blinked.

"...The HELL was that thing?" Neji said finally.

The other two just shrugged helplessly.

The three aspiring young genin stood there in silence for a moment, Neji rubbing his temples after a few moments. Lee proceeded to scout out the entire area in hopes of locating and possibly smiting the famed 'Venosaur' creature. Striking a pose that would blind even the manliest of men out of sheer horror, Lee screeched, "To abide and protect my way of the--"

"VENO-ROAR!"

The bowl cut prodigy almost dared to leap three metres when suddenly he spotted the aforementioned...thing...whatever it was...

"I-I think it looks... h-hungry!" bemoaned Hinata.

While Neji seriously considered using his Hakke Rokujyuu Yonshuu on whatever the hell was giving him a serious migraine as well as causing his already disruptive partner to shriek and bellow uncontrollably, said genius of hard work turned tail and ran clear out of the forestry.

Wait a minute.

Where was Lee? And Hinata?

Neji furrowed his eyebrows for a moment. "Shit."

The silence lasted for oh... about .5 seconds before the tensai ran from Venosaur,itsrather irritated and frustrated form galloping behind in tow.

Neji would have run longer. Honest.Hejust didn't expect to reach shore so quickly. Being trapped behind an angry sea and an evenangrier animal, he would surely have calculated that SOMEONE would be there to rescue him or at least lend him a helping hand. Alas, the rest of the dysfunctional groups were scouting about on their own.

Neji hissed to himself as he swore he saw Venosaur's eyes flash red.

He promptly considered his last resort to be along the lines of killing it and eating it.

Just when he was about to reach for a kunai, he heard the resoundingscreech of "RETURN, VENOSAUR!"

The teen jumped in fright as he noted a red aura surrounded the creature and in its place, came a compact ball.Neji'swtf-face (and you better believe it's a trademark)came out in full swing as a man garbed in a white labcoat suddenly approached the scene.

"Sorry about that, lad!Didn't mean to startle you! Y'see I'm breeding a new type of Venosaur and thought it'd be interesting to watch as it adapted to different habitats! The name's Oak, Professor Oak! I specialize in this type of thing! Oh wait!" Said old-school professor suddenly glanced at his watch, "I'm late for a date in Vegas!" He screamed. "I'll see you around! And oh, good luck getting off this island! VIVA LA OAK, BABY!"

The Hyuuga could only watch with a deer in the headlights look as the man took out what seemed to be jet powered boots and strapped them to his feet. The next thing he knew, he was sailing through the skies, his retreating form reducing to a small dot in only a mere 5 seconds.

"Well this sucks."

Understament of the century.

* * *

The first few minutes of Youko, Yusuke, and Naruto's journey were surprisingly silent. After all, the dynamic Y-duo had yet to determine whether or not Naruto was nearly as big of an idiot as they were, and until they did, they felt it best to keep their inane...plotting...to themselves. 

Finally, when the silence became too much for the loudmouths, Youko asked awkwardly, "So...you like ramen?"

Naruto's eyes lit up in a slightly maniacal glow. "Are you kidding? RAMEN IS GOD!" he screamed more than a little enthusiastically. "I mean...it's noodles...and really yummy liquid brothy stuff...and FISH. It's like my life's blood, man! There's instant ramen, and chicken ramen, and beef ramen, and shrimp ramen, and..."

Youko and Yusuke exchanged a Significant Glance as the blond continued to yammer on about what seemed to be an endless number of different ramen flavors. Words were not needed, for they were both thinking the exact same thing.

Oh, yes. This one would do.

Whatever retarded idea had formed within the heads of the two erstwhile teens was forced to wait, as they, too suddenly ran afoul a horrid and vicious creature.

Well, that's not entirely accurate. What actually happened was the unfortunate accident of Yusuke's foot suddenly stepping on the creature's face, thus effectively waking it and leaving all three of them at its mercy. The following, dreadful words suddenly filtered up from the forest floor.

"Poo-tah! Let's boogie! Do-do-do, do-do-do!"

The trio stared down blankly at the creature, which seemed to be either a giant furry ball with feet, or a fur-covered bird body with exceedingly large eyes and a beak. The fur of the creature was black. Its eyes were a disturbingly toxic shade of green. It stared up at the three unblinkingly, rocking back and forth in a way that brought to mind the mental image of either a stuffed animal suffering from a bout of epilepsy or a gyrating car.

"Um...what is that?" Naruto asked cautiously, abandoning his ramen worship to stare back at the thing with blue eyes full of curiosity.

"It looks like the bastard child of Puu and a lemur," Yusuke mused, holding his finger at the ready, just in case. And yes, by that I do mean his pointer finger. "If it were born, y'know, maimed and retarded or something."

"It's a Furby!" Youko exclaimed, his face an indecisive cross between amazed and horrified. "But...it's like, a living Furby, not a mechanical one."

The Furby smiled up at them all with unnerving innocence. It managed to bypass several laws of physics in doing so, the most obvious problem being that no creature should be physically able to smile with a beak. "Me Boonok. You friend." The eyes widened in what might have been delight, but merely made the creature look completely deranged.

Youko's expression had finally settled on horrified. "Oh, this isn't good."

From out of nowhere, thousands of fuzzy not-heads popped up from behind bushes and trees, under rocks, and through the very ground itself. One small runt of a Furby even emerged from Naruto's kunai pouch. They all wore the same expression as the recently introduced Boonok. "You friend," spoke a multitude of voices in complete unison.

And then everything went black.

* * *

A/N: The attack of the hindrance known as Furby (but secretly I still like mine so it's all good). So, yeah, we love Oak...so we had to put him in there... it was inevitable. Really, it was.We're on the move, writing our fingers to the bone as we speak, hopefully workin' on chapter 5 and finishing it when we can. Review, thank ya and g'bye! 


End file.
